I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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