i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
