one might say we're banned from that church
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
