I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
