just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
