Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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