She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
