dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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