How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You dont lie about slip and slides
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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