I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
