I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
