People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
