what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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