You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
