It's Friday. Sex?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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