There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
