It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
