i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
