is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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