If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
