Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
