wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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