yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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