ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
