so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Is it penis luge time yet?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
