What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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