Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
