So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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