dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
