He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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