note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize