So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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