I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
