Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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