Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
