Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
