please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
