there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
