Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
