Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
