I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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