this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
