Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
