At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they need to just BURY HIM!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
