It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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