You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
