i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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