Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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