i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
