Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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