i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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