pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
