So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize