The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
