hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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