I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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