OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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