you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
