Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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