and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
