I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
