onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize