Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize