Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
