and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
