I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
