Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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