So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
